One wonderful day in Sandpoint as i waited for my dear friend Camillia who...(is always late)....i sat, looking around, at couples, people by themselves and some very good looking "candy"(men)...it struck something in me which made me want to write about a recent change in a relationship that i was participating in and or sharing myself in...so thanks to a bloody Mary a pen and the back pages of my 2 year calender i came up with these random thoughts...
Aug 6th, 2009
So how is it any different when you encounter another human being that makes you feel alive that you cant get enough of and there are feelings there...but your not 100% sure and then...walks in another human being who you have that same spark with...you then find yourself in the same position as you were before...but then what? you drop this one for the next? and move forward forever effecting someone else!? how is this fair? or is this a question of being fair? should we listen deep within our souls realizing its a ride this lifeof ours...some come, some go, some stay forever...are we creatures that are supposed to be with the same person through out our whole lives? or are we suppose to give ourselves, our souls, to many and leave them with impressions and or experiences that would have never been otherwise...this is what i think. I believe...i would rather live/experience someone even if it ends up hurting in the end rather than not having experienced anything/anyone at all.
i believe that i/we may be here to give my/our love to as many people as i can (however they interpret this) and i cannot do this if tied to one person/soul. Now i am not saying this connection/ love is always on an "intimate" level with everyone...because you share yourself with other men and women all day long...i believe there will only be a few in my lifetime that i can truly say i have such a deep connection with that the intensity of intimacy (whether it be friendships or lovers) is accepted. I feel that i dont want to put myself in a position where i love to spend time with an energy that has presented itself, but feel i cannot because i have made a commitment of sorts to another....is this fair? some may say its conceited...
i dont know what it is except for true honesty of myself...which is hard to find with another person...i dont know there is "one" person in this world that can share themselves with me as i would them...also knowing there may be a possibility of some other that disrupts the "pattern"
and then camillia showed up for what would becomeone of the best nights of my life...i think!! lappin accross america...i was in rare form that night...sharing myself with the world!!! he he he to have a male "friend" who can participate in life with me this way...without freakinig out, or changing or getting wierd about me or some chick...fantastic!!! or ME being able to handle the same...pefect...i just dont know if that is possible...maybe someday!!
now thats some deep shit!!!!! i missed my calling!! LMAO!!
side note> why do women go through "menopause" which is all physical B.S and men have 24 year old mistresses and a sports cars?? ;-)~
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