fear=shitty decison making!!

im not sure what i want to talk about tonight....fear is what im thinking...its a horrid bit of thing really...dictionary meaning...

Fear- An unpleasant feeling of anxiety or apprehension caused by the presence and or anticipation of danger.....

so why do some of us fear relationships?? commitments? i mean was it really all that scary that we just cant bare the thought of doing it again? i believe yes until you meet someone that sees through that fear...with you...is that possible...i believe so...i have experienced it for the first time....in along time... but boy it sure makes for some shitty decision making sometimes...a somewhat of a loss of life in a way really...

for instance some people due to fear...could never get up in front of people and sing...even though they know deep within..they probably could. i have been through this...i know i can sing and honestly..it doesn't cause a fearful feeling for me to sing in front of people....what causes fear for me...is the peoples reaction to my music...my singing...so for years i didn't believe..shitty decision due to fear...i feel my life would have been very different...oh i have dabbled in it before..but because of fear i chose different things...i know now, due to what im sure is growing up some and changing...i have embraced the fear...and not allowing it to take a hold...Dean is someone who has helped me see through the fear to the other side.....thank you...

i think with very obvious things like facing a fear.."singing" is so much more different then a fear of commitment true honest raw heart commitment with another human being...but why?? its all the same right? i mean we dont have control over any of the outcomes that come from fear right? so why is it so different with someone instead of something? i know deep down i love someone...sure there are things that may bother me...but deep down i know...so why not throw caution to the wind...say fuck it....because eventually all good/great things come to an end...

we protect ourselves from pain/fear...but in the long run it turns out that we have missed out on so much in life by inevitably sheltering our cores from that in which will make us better, stronger, happier......


side note> where would we all be if there were no drugs?? and i mean pharmaceutical as well....

Where is all the honesty anymore??

Is there...wait I'm going to spell check tonight...but im just going to f'n write so i dont care how this looks!! im not an English major who gives a fuck!! thats honesty!!!

why the fuck cant people just be honest!! we have created a world in which everyone is so nervous to "hurt" someone Else's feelings that we inevitably lie to protect!!! why do we do this??
because in all actuality we create other issues that dont even need to be around!!!

i mean if you dont want to be with someone just tell them!!! if you like someone else!! thats how it fucking goes!! move on!!! so someone else came along thats better!! move on!! out of your control my Friend!!! if someone asks you to do something.....tell them NO dont fuckin ignore them dont tell a lie...just tell em you dont want to do anything...or...well i have this relationship with some else that...well i lied about before...well and should have told the truth but i didnt so now im fucked and i want to spend more time with them instead of you!!! just fuckin say it!!! WTF??? get some fucking nuts!!!

i mean we are all adults here are we not??? we can take care of ourselves right!!! if you hurt someones feelings...............guess what!! they'll get over it!! psychology tells us so!! its in the genetic make up!!! really eventually its better!!! NO ONE IS HONEST anymore....well because society tells us we dont have to be!!! fuckin Pansy asses we are!!!

Like at work...your not doing your job.....fuckin do it already!!! everyone needs to sneak around and talk behind this individuals ass and talk trash everyone hates them they are a lazy piece of shit and on top of it they dont know what the F they are doing!!!...but...we all just sit and around and talk like we are best buddies...wtf is that? get your ass out!! your not helping us here!!! but no discrimination and lawyers!! love em great combo we got going on to rule the world!!!

i would love to meet someone who is connected to themselves and honest about who they are and what they stand for!!! boy would i get along real well!!!!

im pissed tonight!!!

side note> are we just a big project for someone making fun of us???

commercals....really i mean really?

Good God!!

is anyone else completely annoyed by commercials? i really
don't watch that much t.v. however was ill and ah..during
the day...how many feminine hygiene commercials do we
really need??

ladies do we need to know how a tampon really works?
how it "absorbs?" do we really need to be sitting in the living
room with our preteen sons as a lady comes on and talks
about her lack of moisture?? are you kidding? i believe this
argument comes down to freedom of speech? or does it?

im thinking about some of the first words of the constitution...
..to insure domestic tranquility...hmmm...ya that's working!!
i think we need to revise like all great "contracts" are revised!!
but then again that's a whole other political topic that well i
could go on for hours about!!

back to the shit on t.v!! as i type this..i remind myself of oh ya
iv touched on this already...bikini girl!! have we all become so
stupid unable to think for ourselves that it takes ten different
commercials to tell us what we need??

i think i am intelligent enough to know what it is that i do or do
not need what does or doesn't work for me..and if i don't..wow
i might have to use my brain and research it!!!!!! slaves to the
media we are...and they know it!! its a disease!!

are there really people who sit in their living rooms and say
baby come look at this!!! i think im going to try this tampon!!
i think it will "fit" better (they really say this in the commercial)
i wont leak!! LMAO!!! the only time i have ever talked about a
commercial with anyone...is if it involved humor...if i got a
laugh out of it...and when we were done talking about it...no one
rushed out and made a fuckin purchase!!!!

side note>i wonder how much the company's pay for the
mention of side effects??

emotions...who needs em?? :) :(

well well well

a subject that quite frankly i hate to have control my life but yet
controls my life @ times....why is it that we are so good at giving
each other counsel...but when it comes to taking our own advice
we just cant see it?

im sure, as i have said in the past, there is a word out there for
this very thing i just cant think of it!!! turns out that my little heart
has been broken...yes its true!! developed quite a fondness of a
particular someone in which the friendship/connection was very
special..but unfortunately i am a woman... and well im not all that
ugly...i think im fairly intelligent..have been told am exciting i have
sorta (is that a word?) a good sense of humor get along with the
fellas...well quite well...so it would appear that i am threat to other
women and their men!!!! wtf is this all about anyways!!!
im fuckin tired of it!!

i mean if i was (and by no means do i mean disrespect to anyone who
feels they are mentioned in these words i am about to say..) anyways.....
if i was in fact ugly...somewhat stupid?dull...boring...wasn't witty and
didnt get along better with men than i do women...well it would all be
very fuckin different wouldnt it...wouldnt b a problem would it!?! its FN
dicrimination!!

oh go ahead and say...poor me my life sucks give us a break are
you kidding! i guess its like anything...dont judge til your there...i find
myself in constant turmoil...well because 9 times out of 10 i go into
a room and would rather talk with the boys than i would with the girls...
well because of the above mentioned things...all they want is never mind...
and usually they are married...once in a blue moon one comes along that
isnt...and if things are set in the begining...i can obide by the rules when
another chick is involved...but it always turns out well....otherwise and
shit has be brought to an abrupt end!!!

i sometimes wonder if life would be easier if i just told everyone
i was gay and then it wouldn't be an issue...but fuck that!!! i should
be allowed to be who i am without the fuckin bitch drama!!!!!! this
will never change though...this IS a discrimination.. and there are those
of you out there that know what i talk of...because we have talked about
it in private as if we were committing a fuckin crime!!! i think im going to
hire a lawyer like all good Americans do and sue the fuck out of the next
bitch who gets in the way of a friendship i want because she fuckin hates
her life and i love mine!!!!

SIDE NOTE....why shouldn't we think souly with our mind?

A burger..or blow job?

tonight i was playing golf with the ladies...yes that's right fellas i golf and

damn good quite frankly...and a conversation came up afterward at the
watering hole about the carls jr commercial...ya you boys know it!!

The one with the chick in the bikini that states she has to eat a lot of "fruit"
to look good in that bikini...take a big ass bite of the burger
(she will throw up later) only said..well because im a bitch and im jealous...
then proceeds to take the piece of pineapple off the burger slowly
sticking her tongue out and lick the "juice" off of it...and after that
sticks the pineapple in her mouth and take a bite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOW...really...really does this make you want to go to carls jr and get
a teryiaki(sp) burger...or does this make you want to go annoy your
wife/girlfriend for some dirty little head job because the carls jr girl just
wrapped her tongue around that piece of pineapple like it was the tip of your dick??

Now i am speaking on behalf of all married and or taken women out there
(of which i am not)...please just tell them to go get a burger!!! don't involve
sex please....

well then we just have 2 things to do then...go buy the damn burgers
and then later that night...give them fuckin dessert too!! LMAO!!

FUCK!!

so...im writing bigger now..

i want to know who decided one day that "words" certain words...would be deemed offensive??
who decided that the word fuck was offensive..or the word shit, or the word slut, or the word fricken (ooo), motherfucker, bastard, asshole, pussy, cunt, bullshit..ect..ect..

i mean they are after all just words right? who put such a horrid experience/meaning behind them? i would like to meet these people who created such terrible awful things for us humans to have to endure!!

who slapped who the day Mr. Gone With the Wind said why miss Karrie go fuck yourself...well wait that is offensive..(well not to me..because i would say ok!!) which brings me to my point don't you yourself make it offensive? don't YOU put pressure on others to see things your way?? don't we all?? so if i am at the store and drop a fuckin tomato on the ground and yell out "FUCK!" how is that offensive to others?? i mean don't YOU choose to get irritated over this? it doesn't bother me... i know its a word...but the fuckin looks you would get..like you just committed a crime or something..

now i know that as a human race we have to have standards as to which we all live by..but they are words i tell ya just words!!! we should hold each other accountable for choices that are made...because if we didn't well it could potentially be a free for all quite frankly...(some may enjoy)

like instead of someone yelling "fuck" after the dropped tomatoes...there would possibly be some couple fucking on the bed of tomatoes right there in the grocery store!!!! this why i suppose we have standards...but isn't dictating offensive words almost micromanaging peoples vocab? give it up already

why cant my kid yell shit in school when he drops his pencil? why do i have to give the speech @ home "now kids we can say these words or have these conversations @ home but...by GOD do not say this fuckin shit @ school because ill get a fuckin phone call from the mother fuckin school OK!! i mean really?

standards or micro managing??

SIDE NOTE>> who decides one day...i want to be a proctologist??

inspiration...from intimacy

i will just say now for the record....i cant fuckin spell so i am sorry!!

i recently wrote on my Fb page that i wondered about falling i love..
is it real..im sure we have all asked ourselves this question...

i wrote that i thought it may be an attraction to another with the frame of mind that
you become intrigued by the characteristics/ideals, whatever they may be, that the other has and want to posses them for yourself...and once you have obtained and or stolen those characteristic/ideals you eventually become bored of them...and leave looking for knew treasure to put in your pocket. Hense all the infidelity in the world i suppose...

i think i have obtained a lot of "who" i am from those i have been intimate (not just sexual) (get your grotesque minds out of the gutter!!!!) wait...mine IS there most of the time!! anyways i believe what i have done is well basically stolen a little piece from each man that i have encountered in my life!!

like right now i recently spent a lot of time with a certain Welzy...i stole this whole blog thing from him..highly intelligent individual (doesnt believe it) but he had one..he pissed me off i took the blog thing...now i could have done this on my own...but i probably would hv never thought of it until we had a conversation and i checked his out...i have olso been inspired to write because of him....now wether or not im good ill never know...but inspired..

inspired to educate myself to make myself a better person...to push myself to do things i woulnt normally have done...this is love...to turn around and give it back....thats harder...

thanks to you all who have a piece missing...

SIDE NOTE: How the fuck does Southpark get away with their shit!!!!!!!!!!!!